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So it's been a while since I've posted in my blog. Time constraints keep me from accessing the parts of me that I desire. Hopefully, now that can change.

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On Hating and Loving Myself

"a woman's worth isn't valued by the man that claims he loves her, but the love of self she claims before anyone can claim her..."- Jared C Loving myself has always been difficult for me. It's easier to tell myself that I'm not laudable. In times I have even hated myself. So much so, that I push the people I love the most away, feeling as if their love for me was completely unwarranted and that I was the least deserving person of this love. As I recoup from the disseverance of my marriage I realize now that for a long time I was unhappy with myself. It wasn't my husband that made me miserable or the routine of my days, it was me. I have become cognizant of the fact that I put forth my best efforts to convince myself and my husband that I was undeserving of any of the things that made me happy. I became a person I never wanted to be but had convinced myself that I was. I acted the role so well, that at the end of our marriage my husband was convinced that...
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*Untitled*

Intense love does not measure it just gives  Mother Teresa of Calcutta I have not written in my blog for a long long time. But between time and space, my heart hasn't stopped mending or breaking. There is a lot to be left unwritten and unfortunately those times will remain the unwritten chapters of my journey. Somethings are better left to ones soul to sort out and not necessarily the rest of the world. The past months have been a whirlwind of emotions. Ups and downs, lefts and rights. Never really knowing where I was going or what i was doing. But I'd like to focus on the quote above in this writing because I love and I love deeply but to often have I heard the words spat at me that I don't love him because I've done (fill in the blank) Each time I hear this it hurts me more and more. I love so deeply and intensely I haven't kept track of the times he has made me happy. I don't keep a tally on the times he's hurt me. Love and time forgives and heals al...
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Confessions of my Heart

Normally, my posts have a theme or topic. Today I'm taking a venture off that beaten path and just writing whatever comes to mind. So bear with me if the post gets lengthy and becomes quite the harangue. I guess I'm just writing to get things out of my head. Things seem quite jumbled lately and nothing seems to make sense. There's a lot I have sorted through in the last month as far as my self worth and happiness are concerned but I feel as if I haven't touched on some real feelings that I was trying to avoid or deny. I'll start rather bluntly. I miss him. I love him. I'm afraid of him yet find security in him. Everything is all sorts of fucked up. I feel like life has played a cruel joke on me. Fuck cruel, it's played a malicious joke on me. I've been touched by love more than once. True love, not just the superficial, teen angst-y sort of love. Not the I can't live with out him sort of love but true, down to the core, feel it in your soul, comp...
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