Main Entry: 1ev·er·last·ing
Pronunciation: \ˌe-vər-ˈlas-tiŋ\
Function: adjective
Date: 13th century
Main Entry: hap·pi·ness
Pronunciation: \ˈha-pē-nəs\
Function: noun
Date: 15th century
1 obsolete : good fortune : prosperity
2 a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience
2 a : a state of well-being and contentment : joy b : a pleasurable or satisfying experience
I started this entry out with the definitions of the two main words or focus of the title, Everlasting and Happiness. That way we can all start from the same point because I know each of us has our own definition of what these words mean.
This entry was actually inspired by the fact that I have seen many of my friends breaking up lately. When I ask why or what went wrong in their relationship the answer is always the same "She/He doesn't make me happy" (or they were told that by their significant other). This answer always stuns me. That people base their happiness on another person. Now, I'm guilty of doing the same. I'm not going to write this and act as if I'm all high and mighty, that I haven't done the same things, I am only human after all.
I think back to the beginning of my relationship with my husband, before he was my husband, and try to remember if I was happy. The answer to that is yes. I wasn't completely happy, I felt as if I had things missing from my life and suffered from self-esteem issues but I was mostly happy. I had my own version of happiness. I had simple things that kept me sane and content. Somewhere, in the relationship I lost those things that made me happy. For example, I used to write on a daily basis. Poetry, Journals and everything in between. It was my outlet for any pain, anger, joy or life altering experience I encountered. So, I began to base my happiness against my husband. Whether or not he was happy, his approval of me as a human being, as a mother, as a lover and it affected me profoundly.
I never should of done that. If he wasn't happy or was having a bad day, I felt it as if it were my own. Slowly, whatever he felt was how I felt. I looked to him for comfort, solace and happiness. Things he can't always provide for me. Happiness must be my own, based on MY expectations of myself, the world around me and my reactions to it. I guess, this is where self-esteem comes into play. Now, self-esteem is something I always struggled with. I've always felt less-than or unworthy. My self worth was next to zero and basing it on other peoples judgments of me only confirmed my feelings. During my pregnancy, I always felt isolated, like no one understood me, I constantly stressed about if I'd be a good mother and all those sorts of things. My body was all sorts of HUGE and it made me uncomfortable. Needless to say, during my pregnancy I was the furthest thing from happy.
Dealing with happiness is tricky. If you look at it, happiness should be black and white, either you are or you aren't. But happiness doesn't work like that. As humans, we factor many things into happiness. From things ranging in material items, families, looks, spouses, children, & money. None of these things can bring you happiness or even everlasting happiness. In time material items get lost, worn or 'out of style', your looks will fade and you will get old, families fight and stop speaking, spouses & children can come and go, and money will always be spent and doesn't promise to be there the next day. Happiness is something that has to come within you. It's something you must find and keep for yourself. Not to expect others to maintain or sustain it. If you rely on others for your happiness, I can guarantee that you will always find unhappiness at the end of the road.
But "How do I find happiness within myself?"
It is easier said than done. I'll be honest, MUCH easier said than done. Happiness with oneself can be tricky to attain. You must honestly evaluate yourself, your worth, your esteem, the people you surround yourself with and the things that "make" you happy. For instance, with myself, I have to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror.
For the longest time I did this and told myself that I was/am a horrible human being, I'm mean, cruel, jaded, cynical and just over all terrible. While some of these things maybe true, I shouldn't have just taken those things for face value. I CAN be mean, cruel, jaded and cynical. It's what I taught myself to be to protect myself. To keep my soul safe from further hurt but those attribute do not make me who I am. They are reactions to situations I've been in. Something I need to work on because I know that is not how I want to be/act. So, instead of focusing on the negative I should look for the positive. The positive being that I am strong. Strong enough to protect myself and willing to accept help when extended. The positive being that I know myself well enough to recognize the 'bad' things I do. That way I can be cognizant of my reactions to certain situations and further use positive reinforcement to keep myself from reverting to previous habits.
Each morning, I wake up and stand in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear and I pick myself apart. I look deep inside and objectify the outside. Tell myself all the things I hate about myself. It's seems like a really depressing thing to do but I've learned, that instead of telling myself I hate myself or certain things about myself, to tell myself the things I love about myself and acknowledge the pieces I'd like to work on. Only then can I achieve MY everlasting happiness. I can't base it on other people and worrying about how MY happiness will make them feel. People may misconstrue my actions as being manipulative or selfish but that is their own to deal with. Only I know my intentions and the only intention I have is to be happy with myself and share that happiness I have found with the ones I love.
Am I happy right now? There are parts of the situation that make me very unhappy but I'm learning to live with it and slowly accepting them. I'm also taking the lessons I've learned, sharing them and that does make me happy. Relationships don't always end well or last long but it's what you do with the end of that relationship that really shows how you handle happiness. (Just think about it.. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but trust me.. it does) Please remember, to own your happiness, only you are responsible for it but also share it.
With that, today I am happy with myself. I know I'm a good person, a loving person, a person that has much to offer the world and is more than willing to share it.
I never should of done that. If he wasn't happy or was having a bad day, I felt it as if it were my own. Slowly, whatever he felt was how I felt. I looked to him for comfort, solace and happiness. Things he can't always provide for me. Happiness must be my own, based on MY expectations of myself, the world around me and my reactions to it. I guess, this is where self-esteem comes into play. Now, self-esteem is something I always struggled with. I've always felt less-than or unworthy. My self worth was next to zero and basing it on other peoples judgments of me only confirmed my feelings. During my pregnancy, I always felt isolated, like no one understood me, I constantly stressed about if I'd be a good mother and all those sorts of things. My body was all sorts of HUGE and it made me uncomfortable. Needless to say, during my pregnancy I was the furthest thing from happy.
Dealing with happiness is tricky. If you look at it, happiness should be black and white, either you are or you aren't. But happiness doesn't work like that. As humans, we factor many things into happiness. From things ranging in material items, families, looks, spouses, children, & money. None of these things can bring you happiness or even everlasting happiness. In time material items get lost, worn or 'out of style', your looks will fade and you will get old, families fight and stop speaking, spouses & children can come and go, and money will always be spent and doesn't promise to be there the next day. Happiness is something that has to come within you. It's something you must find and keep for yourself. Not to expect others to maintain or sustain it. If you rely on others for your happiness, I can guarantee that you will always find unhappiness at the end of the road.
But "How do I find happiness within myself?"
It is easier said than done. I'll be honest, MUCH easier said than done. Happiness with oneself can be tricky to attain. You must honestly evaluate yourself, your worth, your esteem, the people you surround yourself with and the things that "make" you happy. For instance, with myself, I have to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror.
For the longest time I did this and told myself that I was/am a horrible human being, I'm mean, cruel, jaded, cynical and just over all terrible. While some of these things maybe true, I shouldn't have just taken those things for face value. I CAN be mean, cruel, jaded and cynical. It's what I taught myself to be to protect myself. To keep my soul safe from further hurt but those attribute do not make me who I am. They are reactions to situations I've been in. Something I need to work on because I know that is not how I want to be/act. So, instead of focusing on the negative I should look for the positive. The positive being that I am strong. Strong enough to protect myself and willing to accept help when extended. The positive being that I know myself well enough to recognize the 'bad' things I do. That way I can be cognizant of my reactions to certain situations and further use positive reinforcement to keep myself from reverting to previous habits.
Each morning, I wake up and stand in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear and I pick myself apart. I look deep inside and objectify the outside. Tell myself all the things I hate about myself. It's seems like a really depressing thing to do but I've learned, that instead of telling myself I hate myself or certain things about myself, to tell myself the things I love about myself and acknowledge the pieces I'd like to work on. Only then can I achieve MY everlasting happiness. I can't base it on other people and worrying about how MY happiness will make them feel. People may misconstrue my actions as being manipulative or selfish but that is their own to deal with. Only I know my intentions and the only intention I have is to be happy with myself and share that happiness I have found with the ones I love.
Am I happy right now? There are parts of the situation that make me very unhappy but I'm learning to live with it and slowly accepting them. I'm also taking the lessons I've learned, sharing them and that does make me happy. Relationships don't always end well or last long but it's what you do with the end of that relationship that really shows how you handle happiness. (Just think about it.. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but trust me.. it does) Please remember, to own your happiness, only you are responsible for it but also share it.
With that, today I am happy with myself. I know I'm a good person, a loving person, a person that has much to offer the world and is more than willing to share it.
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” | |
With Love and Respect for all in the Universe, Kristina |
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