Diary of a Mending Heart

Main Entry:  1 ev·er·last·ing   Pronunciation:  \ ˌ e-vər- ˈ las-tiŋ\ Function:  adjective Date: 13th century 1   :  lasting or enduring through all time  :   eternal 2 a  (1)   :  continuing for a long time or indefinitely (2)   :  having or being flowers or  foliage that retain form or color for a long time when dried  b   : tediously persistent  Main Entry:  hap·pi·ness   Pronunciation:  \ ˈ ha-pē-nəs\ Function:  noun Date: 15th century 1   obsolete   :  good fortune  :   prosperity 2 a   :  a state of well-being and contentment  :   joy   b   :  a pleasurable or satisfying experience I started this entry out with the definitions of the two main words or focus of the title, Everlasting and Happiness. That way we can all start from the same point because I know each of us has our own definition of what these words me...

Growing up I had always been known as the strong one. The person in the family who didn't show their feelings through a crisis as to keep everything together. It was a very brittle strength. I never felt as if I had an outlet for all the hurt I was feeling.So I always bottled my feelings up never allowing myself to feel much. Never really allowing myself to cry or to be seen crying. Five years ago that strength finally cracked. My ex-fiancée died and I was lost. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was beside myself. I had invested almost 5 years of my life into him. After he died, I went and did things to cover up the pain. Never really dealing with it. I had based so much of who I was on our relationship that when he passed away I felt like I had died. My family tried to be supportive but all I could do was push them away. I had never dealt with such anguish before. I felt vulnerable and scared. Immediately, I erected some what of a labyrinth and fortress around me...

My first instinct was to title this blog "Diary of a Broken Heart", seeming as how recent and very current events had left my heart, mind, soul and psyche in such a state. Upon much contemplation, I discovered that if I allowed myself to dwell upon the broken heart that it would remain as such. So, here we are chronicling my life and re-birth. For those that do not know the back story or any history, I'll start from the beginning. But that begs the question of; "Where does this all really start?" Which is a REALLY good question. Let's just start with the past 2 years, I'm sure we'll wind up further back in my life as I write these blogs and continue on my journey. I'm certain there will be correlations between my childhood, previous relationships, friendships and my current marriage for this to all tie together. Two years ago I was a different person than I am today. If you asked me to characterize the woman I was then I would have to say s...